The Rubble

"I was left to my own devices. Many days fell away with nothing to show, and the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love. Grey clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from above. But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? How am I going to be an optimist about this? We were caught up and lost in all of our vices in your pose as the dust settles around us. Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?" -Bastille, "Pompeii"

This summer has been very convicting. It has been very busy and stressful, which is why I haven't been present in the blogging world- to that end, the past 6 months have been stressful to a lesser degree, contributing to my absence. I haven't really been satisfied with my life or myself for a very long time. I can't really begin to determine a specific date, but it's been at least a year since I felt I was doing exactly what God wanted me to and that I was truly content for more than a day or two at a time. Searching for perfection has often been my downfall. I'm finding more and more that I'm not going to find it, and that that is the beauty of this life- that it's dirty and throws you curve-ball after curve-ball. The point of it all is just to live it. I know that God is going to do big things with me and, as much as I'd like to, I can't plan those things out because I don't even know what they are at this point. Rather than feel like I'm running at full speed but never actually going anywhere, I'm going to start enjoying the view around me and take every opportunity to be Christ to those who are in my life with me. I've become so disillusioned and downright jaded the past year that I've lost sight of just how much of an influence I can have in the lives of others and that such an influence is the reason I want to spend my life helping people. I'm going to keep my eyes open, and start at the bottom- where I have been for a while, and am going to choose to be the optimist. To start here in the rubble, knowing the sins I've committed, knowing- more importantly- that God has forgiven me and that I am so truly loved and blessed. This is the perfect foundation to serve those around me, which is all I want to do in the first place. So, here's to a new month, August, a refreshed outlook on the world, and a reminder of my purpose and worth in this world. God is Good.